I was smiling the whole time. Somehow, I need not listen to you intently, look at your face, and understand the words you mouth, to fathom what you meant. I know what you mean. I heard the same words a year ago.
I was smiling the whole time because you were smiling as well. And by looking at your face and hearing your voice, I’m reminded of the few reasons why I’ve always wanted to just run at you randomly and hug you. I needed to press my body to yours so I can feel attached, in a way.
I was smiling the whole time because the conversation wasn’t very serious. You were talking about breaking my heart in a way that caresses the wounds your words open at the same time.
I was smiling despite the fact that I know where the conversation would lead, yet I get to see you again.
And I was smiling because I was so naive. I was planning to ask you out for lunch tomorrow but tonight happened and I felt pressed to my lowest point thinking what would have happened if I haven’t heard you tonight. You were the brave one. You led me somewhere private and opened the conversation with the words, “Basically, you went here to get your heart broken.” And as I was denying the fact that I, for the nth time, hoped for something after the prom, I knew I did.
Thank you for being brave. For saying the words I need to hear during the time I need to hear them. Thank you for appreciating my presence and the existence of whatever I have for you. It was the release I needed, yet the release I wasn’t ready to initiate. So thank you for tonight. And for all the nights that you had me and my emotions at the tip of your fingers.
For those were the nights I write best.
©April 12, 2017. All rights reserved.