To get legit heartbreak is one painful experience. I remember being scared, telling myself I can’t move forward – stuck somewhere I can’t move along; how bed is such a sanctuary to just curl up and cry the pain away, and how alcohol becomes companion to those nights of sad songs and impulsive poems that just bleed with sentimentality. But I learned something after I got through that phase, that perhaps every single heartbroken person would say they can’t do it, they can’t move on. Of course, that’s normal. But to choose to get stuck there, in that void of self-pity, regrets, questions and hopes is not.
Now here are the steps to finally break free from the sad and painful reality of unrequited love. Of course, this is just one of perhaps a thousand articles of similar topic. And moving on is not an easy thing. It requires a lot of time, patience, maturity to face the pain and motivation to get through the end of it. You need to help yourself do it, otherwise it will be useless.
But since today is Valentine’s Day, I’m doing a little charity work to those wounded souls. These are steps to moving on from an unrequited love – the Macky way.
Make sure you have a closure.
Closure is important – it clears off the way you will be taking. Talk to him and say everything you want to say, no shame, no residues, and no inhibitions. Be brave to ask.
‘Do you love me?’
‘Is there any chance your feelings might change?’
‘I’m sorry but I don’t think so.’
‘I really love you, you know?’
‘I know, that’s why I’m sorry. If I could only choose whom to love…’
‘Say it again.’
‘That you don’t love me.’
‘I don’t love you.’
Remember that everything unsaid will create regrets that will always hold you back whenever you try to move forward. These regrets will always haunt you with what ifs that are not healthy for a person moving on. This is no easy task since this requires a lot of courage and timing, but it will pay off. Feelings are best let out as words.
Accept the reality.
One of the hardest things to accept is the painful reality that it has to end, because he doesn’t love you. This would always get you asking yourself where you went wrong or what is it that lacks you. But once everything is settled, that he doesn’t love you, it’s a dead end. You have no choice but accept, swallow that bitter lump in your throat, cry, break down, and unleash the pain. Give yourself the wise liberty to let it all out. When you’re done, let the fact sink in: he doesn’t love you he doesn’t love you he doesn’t love you. The world will never stop for your pain. So move forward and follow the next steps. This will all eventually end. 🙂
This doesn’t always mean physical distance; it could also be emotional distance. In order to let your heart fully heal, stay distant from what’s causing pain, or at least from what/who constitutes the feelings that create the pain. Slowly let loose of the strings until you are ready to finally let them go.
Work, study, clean your room, clean the room next to yours, write, read, or spend time with your friends. Just do something that will distract you from thinking too much of the pain. It’s a win-win situation, dude – you spare yourself from the pain for a while and you are being productive at the same time.
Get a better hold of things. When the distractions are working, continue. Do not tolerate thoughts of him for it will only drag you where you started – point zero. Whenever you’re in the verge of thinking of him, shake the thoughts away. You must be able to live without daydreaming about him or wondering what he might be doing at the moment.
Control your emotions. This might be hard but, like I’ve said, it will pay off. Try not to cry in class or in public just because you suddenly saw him. Try to appear okay. The difference from pretending is that to appear okay doesn’t mean to hide your entire pain; you just minimize its manifestations on you so you can gradually teach your body and the people around you to slowly get over it already. Try to be rational and mature when holding tough and, sometimes, awkward situations like being in a group with him or seeing him with his girl. You, yourself, mustn’t also create the aloof vibe. Trying to appear okay in front of him is conditioning yourself to be independent and a wise move to getting on with your agenda of moving on. For sometimes, you cannot get over something because you are making big deal of things that does not require much attention.
Remember: focus all your energy towards getting over him.
But every once in a while, allow your emotions to ‘breathe’. Listen to sad songs, write sad poetry or talk to your friends about the pain.
Slowly detach the strings.
Then slowly let go of the grip you have of him. The thoughts, the what ifs, the assumptions, the false hopes, the wishful thinking, the endearments, and the material things that are not worth keeping. You do this gradually so as to give yourself time to get used to the absence of such things. This step takes time, so do it, take your time until you are ready. Along with all these must also be your forgiveness. It’s not healthy to hold grudges; it will never set you free.
Remember that once, he held your happiness in his hands, and now you are slowly retrieving the freedom to be happy without him.
Talk to your friends. It’s a good way of getting the outside perspective of your situation. Just note that friends give different advice: some give the idealistic ones, some the blunt and straightforward, while others the ever-pessimistic but logical ones. The true ones will always be there to listen to your complaints no matter how redundant and similar it was to last night’s. But it’s important to remember that part of being independent is to filter what you share with them and what’s best keeping to yourself. It’s not being secretive. It is learning how to handle some problems on your own and sharing some to your friends.
Cheer up and be happy again. Learn from what happened because to finally let go of things that inflict you pain and misery is one of the best and most carefree feelings there is.
But just because you were hurt once or twice doesn’t mean you will stop loving again. In pain and in sorrow is where we learn life best. Take risk because it is exhilarating to have your heart pumping with excitement and jitters again.
To love is noble, that is why I ask why we suffer to feel such happiness. But some people are just worth the risk and the pain.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Remember that just because you are heartbroken does not mean you are not part of today. We will celebrate the wounded hearts and the shed tears because as we celebrate the red romance of Valentine’s, we must also embrace the black void of unrequited love. To more hugots and sad poetry today! 🙂